Oh So Excited: Realising a Dream

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 The dreaming began in the Covid lockdowns of 2020. Living in Melbourne meant that for the majority of the next two years, my family and I spent a large proportion of our time confined to our home. It was one of the strictest and longest lockdowns, with limitations on the amount of time one was allowed to stray outside the home each day. Along with time constraints also came restrictions on how far from home one could go. It was in these challenging times that my daughter Kathryn and I would often take our allotted two hour walks together. As we trod the same old, familiar footpaths and gazed appreciatively at the same old familiar landscapes and neighbourhoods, we would often turn our conversation to our favourite topic: If you could go anywhere, where in the world would you most love to go? Our top dream destination was a Greek Island. We both love sea bathing, and the thought of floating endlessly on the clear blue warm waters of the Mediterranean Sea was most alluring.  Dr...
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Emotional Equality

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Last week I attended a seminar entitled “Surviving the Rollercoaster of Adolescence”; a talk given by Chris Hudson founder of Understanding Teenagers. While I can truthfully say that I have already encountered and survived the steep climb and the initial stomach-lurching plunge of the rollercoaster that is likened to living with emotional teens, and have definitely encountered a few curves and turns that have left me breathless and white-knuckled; I believe there are a few more corkscrew loops that are yet to be travelled before I can safely say that I have survived the ride _ hence my interest in wanting to hear his thoughts.




As I think about rollercoasters, I can’t help but recall our families recent trip to Movie World. A day with teenagers in a theme park is very much like living a day packed with emotion; thrills and fears, excitement and exhaustion. One extreme had me being an excitable encourager, saying things like,“Give it a go… I think you’ll find it fun! It’s not as scary as it looks…trust me” (said to those who didn’t fancy risking any rides). The other extreme was more along the lines of me, the terrified one, being coaxed onto rides that looked frightful. “Come on Mum, it’s not that scary. Don’t be a chicken…it’s awesome!” (Nothing like your sons taunts to motivate you to show them your grit.) Needless to say, at the end of the day, I survived the rides, made some good memories but was utterly exhausted.




One of the things that makes the teen years so challenging is the unpredictability of your teens mood, and also the enormous shift in how they relate to you. On their journey to independence, it is natural and important for them to push against their parents in an effort to find their own sense of self. (A deeply confusing place to be in for both parent and child.) And while it’s easy to blame hormones for all the problems, there are other factors that contribute to them being emotionally changeable. Things like: the amount of sleep they get, personal insecurities, and social issues they face…and a whole stack of homework pressure.




One of the hardest things I’ve found about this life stage has been knowing how to navigate my way through, without turning into an emotional wreck myself or becoming just as volatile and cranky as them. At times, I’ve been so fearful of getting my head chewed off just because I smiled at them, or being diminished to ‘worst mother ever’ because I dared to enforce a boundary. Angry, hurtful words are hard to hear and even harder to let go of or not take personally. Equally hard, has been to watch a teen struggle _ with peer acceptance, anxiety, and the challenge of growing up. When they retreat into their shell and lock you out, the feeling of helplessness can be a heavy burden.




So when Chris began to talk about having emotional equality in your home, my ears pricked up. He encouraged us to think differently about how to view emotions. Instead of labelling some emotions as right and others wrong; happiness to be seen as normal and anger to be something avoided, a light switched on for me. So many times I’ve made the mistake of trying desperately to cheer up a depressed soul or avoided addressing issues for fear of ‘poking the bear’. “Emotions just are,” he said. And then, encouraged us to have a mantra for your family like: “In this house all emotions are okay.” Some are easier to live with, but they are still just emotions.




I like to think of emotions as being a little window into someones heart. A little gauge to what’s going on inside. It can be a prompt to ask them how they are. And rather than be fearful of all negative emotions, especially anger, but to find a way together to helpfully express those emotions without dismissing them or escalating them can be such a positive help to a hurting teen. Validating their feelings goes a long way in building an open relationship with them. Saying things like, “I can see this is really hard for you” rather than, “It’s okay.” Showing your teens that you are willing to sit with and accept uncomfortable feelings, just as naturally as you embrace feeling good, is a valuable lesson; for both yourself and your teen.




Rollercoasters are the perfect description for being a parent of teenagers. However, if you are someone yet to enter this life stage, take heart. I think waiting in line and watching others ahead of you being thrown around at top speed and possibly screaming can heighten your anticipation of impending doom and fuel you with dread the longer you watch and wait. Once on the ride, you’re on the ride. Safely strapped in, potentially terrified, but come what may, you’ll make it through the track.

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