A Season of Grief

 

There is one thing I have been most afraid of my entire life, I have had a fear of death…and not just for myself, for those who are closest to me. It’s not because I fear that there isn’t a God who promises life eternal in heaven or that deep down I don’t believe I’m saved. I think it’s more to do with a fear there will be pain in dying, and being a highly emotional person, I fear the brevity of my emotions. So when my sister was first diagnosed with stage four cancer, I was suddenly forced to grapple what I had long feared the most, the potential of loosing a loved one. The confronting realisation that all of us will die, our lives are in God’s hands, and none of us know how long we have to live in this world. It was taking an abstract biblical truth and then putting flesh and bones on it. A lot of big emotions ran through me on a daily basis, and at first I found it to be a very confusing time as my relationship with my sister was very close but at times complicated.

Cancer in my experience brings up a lot of challenging things relationally, emotionally and spiritually within families and individuals. And within a Christian family differences in how people hold beliefs around sickness and healing, prayer and fasting, life in the present and the life to come is a layered complexity that sits on top of grief. These things alone forced me once again to seek answers and wisdom from God’s word. Everyday was a choice to trust God for the future and to rest in his promises. 

My sister’s passing has been a profoundly painful experience. Yes, the brevity of emotion was unbearably huge; it still is. However, what I found through this time was a closeness with God like never before. I was so aware of his presence and comfort, and felt at peace in his presence to come just as I was. The story in the bible that spoke to me most was the death of Lazarus. It is Martha who comes to Jesus with unfiltered grief. She says in John 11 vs 21, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” And Jesus responds to her in verse 25, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die, and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” This beautiful exchange recorded in the gospels spoke not only words of comfort, for all who trust in Jesus have a home with him, but also we can come to him, just as we are. Sometimes like a hot mess, and we can know that Jesus can handle that. We don’t have to pretend with him. Jesus is familiar with sorrow and suffering, and what a comfort that has been to me. Even if no one else understands, he understands. 

There are many times in life, not just with the passing of a loved one that can cause us pain and sorrow. It can be from trauma, from dreams that have never been fulfilled and prayers that have never been answered. Lamentations 3 vs 19 - 24 says, “I remember my affliction and my wandering the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.” What a wonderful hopeful promise this is to all those weighed down by grief and struggling to get through each day. God is compassionate, faithful, and full of love. His offer of grace and help is available to us everyday.

I know I’ve covered a lot in this talk, some things may resonate for you, a lot may not. But I want to encourage you, whatever season of life you find yourself in, you can know the God who is sovereign over all the seasons in new and deeper ways. It doesn’t matter if we’ve never reached out before, or have sought him so many times. He promises to be with us and to help us.  The seasons may change but God does not. He is the same, yesterday, today and forever.