Colours of my life Joanna Myers' blog, exploring Christian Living, Health, Parenting, Family and overcoming challenges https://www.joannamyers.org/ 2026-08-23T17:58:59.000Z Joanna Myers Reflections on something glorious https://www.joannamyers.org/2026/08/reflections-on-something-glorious.html 2026-08-23T17:58:59.000Z 2026-08-23T17:58:59.000Z When I last wrote, I was on the eve of an adventure of a lifetime. The anticipation of returning to a place that I hold dear in my heart and the thrilling thought of seeing new places that have only lived in my imagination, fuelled my enjoyment of preparation. This adventure was fanning the embers… <p> When I last wrote, I was on the eve of an adventure of a lifetime. The anticipation of returning to a place that I hold dear in my heart and the thrilling thought of seeing new places that have only lived in my imagination, fuelled my enjoyment of preparation. This adventure was fanning the embers of excitement and delight that had long lain dormant within me; there is a purity of joy that comes with feeling free, being curious, and beholding beauty.</p><p>Childlike energy, fascination and wonder are hard to capture as an adult. The inevitable progression of growing up is taking responsibility and handling life pressures. Throw on top of that, other peoples expectations and circumstances you never planned for can make for heavy life loads that steal your joy and put you on the treadmill of mundane but necessary adulting. This is a reality of being an adult, but it doesn’t mean circuit breakers aren’t possible. I’ve come to appreciate that being intentional about making space for time to play, is an essential tool in the kit of enjoying the life that God has given me to live. </p><p>It was on our first day in London that I first had the experience of having my breath taken away. I had roused myself from resting under the cool shade of trees in St James Park, to accompany my family to evensong at Westminster Cathedral. I had no preconception of what to expect; but walking in the door and lifting my gaze, I was instantly awestruck by the majesty of the place. Its beauty was like nothing I had ever seen before, transporting me out of the ordinary into a place far beyond my daily reality. </p><p>Everything about the experience made me think of heaven; the place in which God dwells. When evensong began, and the pure angelic voices of the choir rose to fill the space of this magnificent church, my daughter leaned over to me and whispered, “I feel like I’m being taken up into heaven.” For the next hour I was completely enthralled by the wonder and beauty of this time and space.  </p><p>The second was St Paul’s Cathedral. Within this church I encountered a number of things that caused me to pause, be still before God and contemplate things on my heart. As I walked in its grand doorway there was a discreet memorial for all those who lost their lives due to the Covid Pandemic. This visual reminder gave me reason to pause, for while I didn’t have the heartbreak of loosing a loved one due to the covid virus, the covid years were full of challenge and the past 2 years have been punctuated by the deepest grief. These thoughts naturally resurfaced, as I entered this beautiful church.</p><p>This grand place with its vast domed ceiling adorned with golden flecked mosaics depicting many familiar biblical scenes, become a space of quite contemplation with God. While my family went on to climb the dome (something I was very happy to forgo due to my phobia of heights), I found myself a quite nook seated before the painting ‘The light of the world’ by William Hunt. Its beauty lies in the simplicity of its message…Jesus, the light of the world stands at the door and knocks. I was gifted time and space to sit, reflect and be truely grateful for who Jesus is to me.  </p><p>Delight and awe didn’t just come in beautiful buildings made to bring glory to God. They came also in nature and in people. In London I was reunited with a dear friend that I’ve stayed in contact with, but hadn’t seen in over 12 years. A day with her was so special; I valued every moment. It was a family highlight to reconnect with a place and people who have been apart of our families history. </p><p>As for nature, swimming at dusk, in the Gulf of Naples, with Mt Vesuvius in the distance, was a pinch me moment. Being buoyed along in the salty clear, cool water with not a care in the world was a peak experience, that even now seems surreal. I can still see the fairy lights twinkling high above me from the restaurant perched precariously on the cliff top above. I can recall the burn in my legs as I traversed through the cool steep tunnels carved through the rock, to make safe passage to the water below. I can still feel the impression of my face smiling as I watched my husband and children share in the delight of swimming as the sun slowly dipped below the horizon. </p><p>These experiences are all positive imprints that have imbedded themselves in my psyche; memories that leave indelible marks. I am in someway changed by them, for the experience has in a small way achieved what I hoped it would. Taken me outside of myself and reminded me that play and awe and unexpected beauty can still be experienced no matter what age or stage of life I am at, and these things are all good gifts from my Heavenly Father. </p><p>PS: It was noteworthy that while out of my usual routines and environments I experienced relatively no pain, and only the tiredness that comes from an entire day of walking as opposed to my usual crippling fatigue even after a good nights sleep. Conclusion, times like these do me good. </p> New Beginnings https://www.joannamyers.org/2026/08/new-beginnings.html 2026-08-23T17:56:50.000Z 2026-08-23T17:56:50.000Z It’s been too long since I put my thoughts to paper, so to speak, and sent them out into the world with the hope that by sharing I would somehow encourage others also. It’s not because I haven’t had anything to say, it’s been quite the reverse in fact. However, I feel like I’ve suffered from a… <p> It’s been too long since I put my thoughts to paper, so to speak, and sent them out into the world with the hope that by sharing I would somehow encourage others also. It’s not because I haven’t had anything to say, it’s been quite the reverse in fact. However, I feel like I’ve suffered from a writers paralysis. There are so many things I want to write about, and yet so much of it is complicated, that I haven’t known how to best express my private voice more publicly. So I stopped for a season, as I haven’t known where to begin, or even if it’s worth beginning again. </p><div>After expressing some of the challenges that have made up the current season of life, I was encouraged by someone who knows me well to start writing again. While I’ve been busy offline writing for myself, I thought I’d be brave and start sharing my writing with others again too. It may sound self indulgent, but I do take enjoyment in the act of writing for an audience. </div><div><br /></div><div>Looking back at what I was writing a year ago, I laboured so long on a piece that I didn’t end up publishing, because by the time I’d completed it I felt like the moment had passed. So I want to publish it now in retrospect, not because it’s anything special or pertinent, but because it was true for that time, and it is helpful now to be reminded of what was good for me then. It’s always sobering to reflect on where one was a year ago, both physically and mentally. So much happens in a year; life is never static. Yet, in every season there is beauty to be seen and enjoyed, pain to be felt and broken by, lessons to be relearned and more of God to be understood and appreciated. </div><div><br /></div><div>As I look back on the times when I’ve been more motivated as a writer it was in a season of life when I had mental capacity and a sense of freedom to express myself. However these past 6 years have been punctuated by trauma and deep loss, illness and seismic change. It has felt like my life has been sliced in two. The before and after of Joanna Myers. It has taken me time to understand and accept what has happened, and to bravely embrace this new version of me. </div> Oh So Excited: Realising a Dream https://www.joannamyers.org/2025/06/oh-so-excited-realising-dream.html 2025-06-25T17:23:00.000Z 2025-06-25T17:23:00.000Z The dreaming began in the Covid lockdowns of 2020. Living in Melbourne meant that for the majority of the next two years, my family and I spent a large proportion of our time confined to our home. It was one of the strictest and longest lockdowns, with limitations on the amount of time one was… <p> The dreaming began in the Covid lockdowns of 2020. Living in Melbourne meant that for the majority of the next two years, my family and I spent a large proportion of our time confined to our home. It was one of the strictest and longest lockdowns, with limitations on the amount of time one was allowed to stray outside the home each day. Along with time constraints also came restrictions on how far from home one could go. It was in these challenging times that my daughter Kathryn and I would often take our allotted two hour walks together. As we trod the same old, familiar footpaths and gazed appreciatively at the same old familiar landscapes and neighbourhoods, we would often turn our conversation to our favourite topic: If you could go anywhere, where in the world would you most love to go? Our top dream destination was a Greek Island. We both love sea bathing, and the thought of floating endlessly on the clear blue warm waters of the Mediterranean Sea was most alluring. </p><p>Dreaming is one thing, having it come to life is quite another. For to make a dream a reality, it first needs opportunity and resources for it to be considered even possible. For 5 years travelling abroad has been impossible. The years that have passed since those covid lockdown walks have been filled with many challenges and responsibilities. I’ve supported three of my children through the final years of school, completing year 12 and beginning tertiary study. I’ve had a son leave home and return, we’ve bought and moved house. We’ve had one daughter get married. I’ve had many health issues that have reduced my capacity and weighing on top of all this has been deep grief at the passing away of my sister from cancer. There have been many things to keep me present at home. </p><p>I’ve always been one to hold my dreams lightly. Deep down, I trust that my Heavenly Father knows best, and to be truthful, I’ve always been someone who’s found pleasure in simple things; a day trip into country Victoria gives me joy. So it wasn’t until 2 years ago, when my husband and I were doing “<a href="https://www.joannamyers.org/2023/09/the-date-night-we-needed-to-have.html">The Marriage Course</a>” (something I’ve written about before, and well worth doing for anyone who is married) that one evening when the conversation was centred around hopes and dreams for the future, my husband ventured he’d love to be able to travel with me again. And rather than leave it as a dream, make it a priority if the opportunity arose. So to consider in earnest the possibility of travel once more, and now to be days away from actually doing it, I feel quite humbled and grateful. It still feels like I’m dreaming.</p><p>So where am I going? You would naturally conclude Greece, for that was the dream. But I travel with others; Chris, Kathryn and Toby. And while Greece was on the table of possibilities, so was England (in particular London), Scotland and Italy. Realistically, for the time and resources we had, not all were possible. As a foursome, the top two places of importance were London and Italy. Italy, because my children have studied Italian by immersion for 3 years, and so to go to a place they have spent time studying; one full of history, culture, food and a little sea bathing, it was a perfect choice. As for London…my favourite place in the whole world. Since leaving London 12 years ago, I left a piece of my heart behind. It holds for me some of my most cherished, happiest memories. It marks a happy chapter in our families history, one that I’m truely grateful for. So to return after all these years, sharing it with two of our grown children is truely special. The hardest part will be that it will feel too short, and not to share it with our eldest two kids. </p><p>Every time I think of walking the streets of London I have a surge of joy that rises within me.  I can’t remember ever feeling this excited in my whole life; the anticipation of what lies ahead is quite simply thrilling. I’ve replaced the depleting waves of unadulterated grief that battered my body for a long time with waves of pure joy. Words don’t seem to be sufficient to describe this foreign emotional experience. </p><p>There is a danger of course in building up in my mind an idyllic story of what this holiday will be (I’ve travelled abroad enough to have experienced many well laid plans going to pot). I also travel as someone with fibromyalgia. I’m definitely the weakest link when it comes to stamina, strength and resilience. I’m mindful of the physical parameters that I have to work within, therefore I’m fully prepared for days where I might let the young ones go on ahead while I happily park myself in a coffee shop with Florentine views…oh imagine! </p><p>It’s been excessively fun planning for such a trip and thinking quite intentionally about where we will go, and what we spend our precious time and energy on. There has been blessing in this too, as to have something enjoyable and recreational to look forward to. I can’t stress enough how positive this process of planning and preparation has been for me mentally. It’s an unexpected side effect of holiday anticipation. So Europe here I come. </p> A Season of Grief https://www.joannamyers.org/2025/03/a-season-of-grief.html 2025-03-24T20:17:00.000Z 2025-03-24T20:17:00.000Z There is one thing I have been most afraid of my entire life, I have had a fear of death…and not just for myself, for those who are closest to me. It’s not because I fear that there isn’t a God who promises life eternal in heaven or that deep down I don’t believe I’m saved. I think it’s more to do… <p> </p><p><br /></p><p>There is one thing I have been most afraid of my entire life, I have had a fear of death…and not just for myself, for those who are closest to me. It’s not because I fear that there isn’t a God who promises life eternal in heaven or that deep down I don’t believe I’m saved. I think it’s more to do with a fear there will be pain in dying, and being a highly emotional person, I fear the brevity of my emotions. So when my sister was first diagnosed with stage four cancer, I was suddenly forced to grapple what I had long feared the most, the potential of loosing a loved one. The confronting realisation that all of us will die, our lives are in God’s hands, and none of us know how long we have to live in this world. It was taking an abstract biblical truth and then putting flesh and bones on it. A lot of big emotions ran through me on a daily basis, and at first I found it to be a very confusing time as my relationship with my sister was very close but at times complicated.</p><p>Cancer in my experience brings up a lot of challenging things relationally, emotionally and spiritually within families and individuals. And within a Christian family differences in how people hold beliefs around sickness and healing, prayer and fasting, life in the present and the life to come is a layered complexity that sits on top of grief. These things alone forced me once again to seek answers and wisdom from God’s word. Everyday was a choice to trust God for the future and to rest in his promises. </p><p>My sister’s passing has been a profoundly painful experience. Yes, the brevity of emotion was unbearably huge; it still is. However, what I found through this time was a closeness with God like never before. I was so aware of his presence and comfort, and felt at peace in his presence to come just as I was. The story in the bible that spoke to me most was the death of Lazarus. It is Martha who comes to Jesus with unfiltered grief. She says in John 11 vs 21, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” And Jesus responds to her in verse 25, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die, and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” This beautiful exchange recorded in the gospels spoke not only words of comfort, for all who trust in Jesus have a home with him, but also we can come to him, just as we are. Sometimes like a hot mess, and we can know that Jesus can handle that. We don’t have to pretend with him. Jesus is familiar with sorrow and suffering, and what a comfort that has been to me. Even if no one else understands, he understands. </p><p>There are many times in life, not just with the passing of a loved one that can cause us pain and sorrow. It can be from trauma, from dreams that have never been fulfilled and prayers that have never been answered. Lamentations 3 vs 19 - 24 says, “I remember my affliction and my wandering the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.” What a wonderful hopeful promise this is to all those weighed down by grief and struggling to get through each day. God is compassionate, faithful, and full of love. His offer of grace and help is available to us everyday.</p><p>I know I’ve covered a lot in this talk, some things may resonate for you, a lot may not. But I want to encourage you, whatever season of life you find yourself in, you can know the God who is sovereign over all the seasons in new and deeper ways. It doesn’t matter if we’ve never reached out before, or have sought him so many times. He promises to be with us and to help us.  The seasons may change but God does not. He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. </p> Seasons of Fear and Illness https://www.joannamyers.org/2025/03/seasons-of-fear-and-illness.html 2025-03-13T18:20:00.000Z 2025-03-13T18:20:00.000Z There are some seasons of life that we really didn’t ask for or seek out, that in turn throw up big questions to God, questions of “why me?”, “How did this happen?”, “How long is this going to be?”, “How can I face tomorrow?” And maybe alongside these questions are cries of desperation, fear and… <p>There are some seasons of life that we really didn’t ask for or seek out, that in turn throw up big questions to God, questions of “why me?”, “How did this happen?”, “How long is this going to be?”, “How can I face tomorrow?” And maybe alongside these questions are cries of desperation, fear and inadequacy. ”I don’t think I can do this anymore”, “I don’t know what to do next”, “I’m overcome by worry”. These were some of my cries and questions in a season of great fear and anxiety. For me, the circumstances that precipitated this season were centred around parenting teenagers. In every life stage of raising children, I have had many challenges, and each child has had their own particular one’s that needed nuanced wisdom and prayer. But the teen years for one of my kids was a curve ball I didn’t see coming, and when it hit, it was incredibly scary and painful. It affected the whole family, and as a mother I felt a lot of responsibility for what was happening. Home was supposed to be a safe place, but my home had become a place of fear, of anger and of hurt. I was ashamed and frightened and turned to God in desperation. </p><p>At this point I was just clinging on to him. Psalm 46 vs 1-2 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in times of trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. It goes on to say in vs 4, “There is a river whose streams make glad he city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.” This psalm is a precious reminder of God’s character. He is a safe place that we can run to. He is strong and mighty to save. And when our lives and the things we’ve thought were unshakeable begin to crumble, we can trust that he is unshakeable. God is a firm foundation.</p><p>It took a very long time to see God’s goodness shine in this season. There was a complexity of issues that called for special help. It was not something myself or us as a family could do on our own. In the eye of the storm God provided practical and specialised help, in the form of councillors and psychologists to help my teen and in turn help Chris and I. And it would take me many years to work through post traumatic stress. However, I am so grateful to God for the good work he did in me. He smashed some pretty big idols I had subconsciously held, he made me more compassionate towards others and changed how I parented. There were unhelpful ideals I had long stuck to that needed to be reshaped, making me see that having a good relationship with my children was more important than my children “being Christian” or “being good.” God has been faithful to me and my family. We’re by no means perfect, but we love each other, we have a new understanding of each other, and we do get along. I can say truthfully I have a good relationship with my kids. </p><p>If you are experiencing fear and anxiety, the bible is packed full with words of hope and comfort for you. God is an ever present help in times of trouble. But know too that there is professional help, and I encourage you to seek it out, talk to a trusted person. There are many avenues of help available, and God can use others to help us.</p><p>Chronic pain is something I have lived with my entire adult life. It’s been a back drop to every season, with fluctuations between acute pain and then patches of wellness. But it wasn’t until the Covid years, which followed quickly on the heels of intense fear and anxiety that I entered a season of confusing illness. I was reduced to a fatigue so debilitating that a lot of my days were spent lying on the couch with little improvement to my stamina no matter how much I rested. My world well and truely shrunk and my mental well being was tested as I oscillated between praying the prayer of acceptance and wanting and hoping for more wellness. For quite confusingly this season of illness coincided with me doing ministry training. I had long felt that if ever I was to commit to work outside of the home I wanted to work in vocational ministry, and had felt led by God to pursue this. So to be unwell, to the point of being unable to work for the church in the role and way that was expected of me was extremely humbling and to be honest very upsetting.</p><p>It was a confusing time as my symptoms were broad, encompassing insomnia, PTS, chronic back pain, headaches, fatigue and brain fog. I felt pressure to do more and embarrassed and helpless that I couldn’t. I was challenged by the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians vs 8 when he says, “3 times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”   But in this season, God spoke to me repeating this word, from Psalm 46 vs 10 “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth.”  Because of very recent times where I had experienced God’s closeness in time of great trial, it felt more natural for me to run to God first and trust that he was in control of something I had no control over. In many ways it was a time of God wooing me to surrender to him and trust in his timing and process. He also broke down the preconceptions I had of this season. I remember when I took on the ministry apprenticeship I thought it would be a great season of life to be giving more of my time to God, but God had very different plans for me. And while in that season I was yet to find the answers to the root cause, (it would be another 4 years before I was finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia) I was being taught by God to see that he loved and valued me not for what I could do for him, but for who I was to him. Precious and dearly loved. He was also teaching me a dependence on his daily help. And his daily help was what I needed the most when I entered a season of grief.</p><p>Illness can come in many forms, for some it might be physical, for others mental, it may be acute or chronic. You might be caring for someone who is suffering from illness.  Illness can be very lonely and isolating,  sometimes illness may make accessing God’s written word very hard. This may mean doing things differently, connecting with God in new ways. Maybe having your partner read and pray for you, or connecting once a week with a friend to read the bible. It might be listening to an audio bible. Whatever form it takes, I encourage you to seek a way that’s most helpful for you to connect with God and with others.</p> Seasons of Excitement and Transition https://www.joannamyers.org/2025/03/seasons-of-excitement-and-transition.html 2025-03-04T18:18:00.000Z 2025-03-04T18:18:00.000Z The second season I want to share is one of excitement and adventure. It wasn’t one free from challenge, for I was far from home and support, raising children who were very sensitive to change and dealing with the very normal challenges of the primary school years. But my overwhelming memory is one… <p>The  second season I want to share is one of excitement and adventure. It wasn’t one free from challenge, for I was far from home and support, raising children who were very sensitive to change and dealing with the very normal challenges of the primary school years. But my overwhelming memory is one of excitement and delight. It began with my husband Chris who had for a very long time desired to live and work overseas and have a bit of an adventure. For the first 9 years of marriage, every time he raised the subject I was overwhelmed by fear. I couldn’t imagine leaving my family. After many years of living with simple means we were blessed with a year of plenty and the question was raised again…this time my anxiety was around spending a lot of money on something I was worried was frivolous. I was worried about what others would think of us, was this something a Christian should do. It was a time I really sought God out for wisdom and clarity. Never before had I had choice like this, and it was a big one. I long laboured in prayer on my own and with Chris as I was so frightened of being disobedient, and choosing to do something that didn’t honour God. I remember very clearly God speaking to me in his word, and bringing peace to this decision. </p><p>When that peace came I ran wholeheartedly with Chris into this adventure to move our family to the UK. We went with no job for Chris in place, no family or friends, banking and rental history. It literally felt like a leap of faith. My years in the UK are my happiest memories. Time and time again God did so many amazing things, things I never thought possible. And everywhere I went I had opportunity to tell others of how gracious and provisional was my Heavenly Father. It was a season of delighting in God and having him expand my appreciation of his world and expand my experience of his church. And being so far away from everything that was safe and comfortable meant that instead of instantly running to familiar sources (my Mum) for help I ran more to God and in turn my husband. A unexpected gift that God gave me in this time was to deepen my marriage. For that alone I say all praise be to God.  </p><p>A verse of scripture that comes to mind when I think of this season is Psalm 34 vs 8, “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.” Are you in a season of life that is exciting? Maybe a new relationship, or a job you are loving. Maybe you’re a new Christian and discovering God’s goodness and blessing for the first time. I challenge you to humbly share with those who ask the good things that God is doing in your life right now with others. He is the giver of all things good, and others are blessed when we give glory to God.  </p><p>After what had been a long season (12 years) of having small children at home with me full time, I now found myself in a completely foreign and uncomfortable place. My children were all at school, and there was a portion of my day that was now a loose end. I didn’t recognise it at the time, but I was grieving. Grieving the loss of a season of life that I had thoroughly enjoyed. I had poured all my energy into the baby/toddler years that a role shift felt like losing my identity. I felt untethered. And for the first time in my life I felt that I’d lost meaning and purpose. Most women at the same stage of motherhood already had careers outside of the home, with purpose to fill their days with. I suddenly had what I perceived as nothing. (It didn’t help that I had recently moved to Melbourne after 3 years of living in London. All my friends were in Queensland and the UK. </p><p>I had no history here not a single friend, and in the course of my first year here, the only woman who showed me kindness was my neighbour, a woman at home with a toddler. She would often comment to me that she was envious of me being able to sit on the porch and have time to myself to drink tea and read a book. But what was I most often doing… crying over a cuppa tea and my bible. It was the first time in my life that I came to God completely empty emotionally and spiritually. I felt stripped bare of everything I knew, and it was the first time I literally had time to sit with God, to wait on him and to listen for his prompting. While it was uncomfortable, I resisted the urge to just fill my time with things. I learned to be quiet with God, to be okay with space, and to allow him to speak freshly into a new season. One lovely thing that emerged through this season of walking quietly with God was being prompted to study Journalism. I never thought I would return to study, but what came from this was a real joy of learning new things and in finding my voice on a page. Transitions have the wonderful potential for new possibilities you’d never considered before. </p><p>Are you in a season of transition, maybe you’ve been made redundant at work, you might be new to this city, you might be an empty nester? Isaiah 43vs 18- 19 says, “Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up: do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the dessert.” It’s very natural in a time of transition to view the past with ‘rose coloured glasses’; to idealise it and gloss over some of the hardships. There is nothing wrong with remembering the past with fondness; happy memories are to be treasured as part of the richness of our life story. But if our gaze is stuck in the past, preventing us from being present and alert to the good God has for us, then we may fail to see what he is doing right now. So I challenge you to think about - what new thing might God be preparing for you and teaching you in this season? Ask God to help you, as you grieve for what has passed and look ahead to the future. </p> Seasons that Grow Us Closer to God: Season of Exhausted Contentment https://www.joannamyers.org/2025/02/seasons-that-grow-us-closer-to-god.html 2025-02-24T17:37:00.000Z 2025-02-24T17:37:00.000Z I was recently asked to give a talk on growing closer to God through different seasons of life. This blog is part one of a serialisation of my talk. In the coming weeks I’ll share the rest. When thinking about how we grow closer to God in the different seasons of life, I feel very privileged to be… <p><i>I was recently asked to give a talk on growing closer to God through different seasons of life. This blog is part one of a serialisation of my talk. In the coming weeks I’ll share the rest. </i></p><p><br /></p><p>When thinking about how we grow closer to God in the different seasons of life, I feel very privileged to be asked to speak on this topic, for this is something I personally treasure. My journey in going deeper with God is uniquely personal and the ways in which I have grown, the approach that I have taken, the lessons God’s had for me and where I find myself now speaking to you today is only testament to God’s grace to me. He has proved faithful, even when I was so many times unfaithful. I am also a little hesitant about speaking on this, for the last thing I want to do is promote one way of devotional life, or one means of connecting with God, for their are no rights or wrongs. Each of you have your own journey, and will be at different points on that journey of growing in maturity. Some of you will be new in your faith, and still figuring out how to navigate yourself around the bible, others will have known and experienced God for many years, even more years than me. You’ll have experienced different seasons, you have different personalities, different pressure points and different ways of engaging with God. This is not a comparison exercise, but I hope that as I share some of the ways I’ve grown closer to God in the ever changing seasons of my life that you will be encouraged in your walk with God. And I hope this will encourage you to reflect on your own journey and see how God has been at work in you.</p><p>I find the concept of seasons a really helpful one in thinking about our lives. In the bible in the book of Ecclesiastes 3 vs 1-8 it says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” It goes on to say in vs 11, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”</p><p>This passage of scripture reminds me that God ordains and sets boundaries on times and seasons. There is a time for everything, and everything is made beautiful in its time. God has good purpose for each season, even the most painful ones, to shape us more in his likeness. This passage of scripture also gives comfort and hope. God is sovereign over all our days. We can’t know the future, we don’t know how long a season will be, but we can know the God who is Alpha and Omega. The more we know of the Father’s heart, the more we can trust him for all the seasons.</p><p>Before I begin reflecting more deeply on the seasons I’ve traversed I will say that even though many of my habits and attitudes have changed, as different seasons had different demands and dimensions to them, some things have remained the same. I have made it a practice to regularly seek God in prayer and in reading his word. They are the foundation on which I still grow in my knowledge and love of my Heavenly Father.</p><p>I’ve identified 6 seasons which I think have been the most significant times of spiritual growth for me. and so I start in a season I call exhausted contentment. </p><p>When I look back now on the years when I had four children under 8 years old I see those years as growing a spiritual foundation that would become a bedrock for me when the storms of life were going to blow hard and fast for many years. I had begun the habit in my late teens of reading my bible everyday and being a person who liked routine and was inclined to be disciplined I tried to keep this as a constant. I want to acknowledge at this point that I grew up in a Christian home where personal and family devotional time with God was a normal daily occurrence. My father was a minister, and both he and my mother regularly modelled this to me. This I am grateful for, but it became a high bench mark, that I was at times burdened by and God had some particular lessons for me in this season, as for most of this season of life I was exhausted and run off my feet. A lot of my devotional life was catching snippets of time with God. Often these times were interrupted by small children and my Mummy brain that was so sleep deprived and desperate for time out, I often found it hard to concentrate on what I was reading, and very forgetful of anything that required extra brain power. In many ways a lot of my devotional life was going through the motions. I knew it was important to do, I still held onto an ideal of what devotional time should look like, but I was often frustrated that my ideal was always rudely interrupted by kids. I remember the first time I actually raised my concerns that I wasn’t finding it easy with a baby to read my bible and the older women in my bible study laughed! I had a lot to learn. One lesson God had for me in this season came in the form of a rebuke. I was coming to God every day, but I was beginning to treat it like a box ticking exercise, not seeing it as a time of investing in a relationship that mattered to me.</p><p>This rebuke began to change the way I came to God. I was kinder to myself when there were days when I didn’t sit down to read my bible and pray. Matthew 11 vs 28-30 says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  What a beautiful invitation and promise to all of us who are weary and burdened. And one burden I needed to lay at Jesus feet was the burden of guilt and shame that I wasn’t measuring up to my own high standard. I could come to him anytime with all my cares and concerns and know that he understood me. I began to appreciate that I could pray to God at anytime and in any place and so availed myself of this wonderful truth. I could pray out on walks, making breakfast for the family, driving in my car. The same was true of being spiritually fed. While nothing replaces God’s word, I’ve always appreciated reading other Christian women’s perspectives on living a life of faith, and to that end have sought to read alongside God’s word, Christian books that would encourage me. While it was a season of life that was physically exhausting, with little to no personal space, it was a time of life I found deeply satisfying with a profound sense of purpose and enjoyment. </p><p>Are you in a season of exhaustion…and maybe not contented? Your exhaustion might come from a very different source, caring for a disabled child, or an aging parent. Your employment might demand long hours, you might be struggling with insomnia. Time to yourself might be a luxury, but I encourage you to simply ask God to help you remember him and his truth. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never been shown what to do, or tried it before. You can come to God any time and in any way. It might look like listening to a Christian podcast as you commute to work, listening to gospel centred music as you cook dinner, or writing on your mirror a bible verse that can encourage you each day. Jesus beckons us all to rest in him. </p> Growing into Truth https://www.joannamyers.org/2024/08/growing-into-truth.html 2024-08-16T17:51:00.000Z 2024-08-16T17:51:00.000Z There is a running joke I have with my husband. Whenever we do something that is completely predictable, or on brand behaviour for someone we know well, we say with affectionate humour “Classic Peg!” (It’s a SNL skit that we’ve adopted). I get a ‘Classic Jo’ every time I forget to set a timer and… <br /><br /> There is a running joke I have with my husband. Whenever we do something that is completely predictable, or on brand behaviour for someone we know well, we say with affectionate humour “Classic Peg!” (It’s a SNL skit that we’ve adopted). I get a ‘Classic Jo’ every time I forget to set a timer and end up burning food. There are some things I still do, even though past experience or sheer logic would teach me to change my ways. While it’s good to be able to laugh at oneself with someone who knows and loves you well, there are some things I do which are ‘Classic Jo!’, which I really do want to change. Personal makeovers are most certainly a long game, but effort alone isn’t the solution, there are some things that can only be changed by God, his truth and in his good time. <br /><br />When I was younger I erroneously thought I would have worked through all my issues and learned all I needed to know to do life well come middle age, but growing older has only meant encountering a whole new set of situations where I’m surprised by the things that still need addressing. New challenges bring to the surface unhelpful habits and beliefs that have long been buried deep. However, uprooting is necessary if I am to grow more into the person God made me to be; more Christlike. And boy am I glad he means to do this work in me. <br /><br />Recently growing pains have been centred around learning a new skill. I have been training to become a swim instructor. I had contemplated taking this step for quite a while, as I am never one to jump into a new venture without vigorous consideration. After pondering, praying, and sounding out those who know me best for their opinions, I decided it was time to give it a go. <br /><br />While I have experienced the very normal nerves of anyone starting something new, what follows a positive time of learning in the pool, is a persistent voice of self doubt that grows louder in my head the more credence I give to it. It’s a very familiar narrative. It’s classic Jo! “Why are you doing this; this is beyond you. It’s too hard. You’ve bitten off more than you can chew! Stop trying to be someone you are not. Everyone else is so good at what they do. What if I’m hopeless at this? What if I get sick again? You’ll disappoint people just like you’ve done before…” <br /><br />Writing these thoughts down, I can’t help but be concerned by my negative narrative, one of self doubt and insecurity. A tendency to focus on all the things I cannot do, and a presumption that I will fail. And sitting behind all these fears is a need for validation from those around me; their approval and affirmation are important to my feeling like I’m measuring up. So I ask myself, “why do I always doubt my abilities and worry about what others think?” Where does this insecurity come from? For this question I’m learning to reflect upon significant moments from the past that have remained with me; articulating the feelings associated with these memories, which have then led to an internalised belief about myself. <br /><br /><br />To understand the origin of a belief I’ve long held and lived by, is my starting place for redress. What follows is allowing God to speak into that moment. I can recall with clarity the first time I was aware of being a disappointment academically; self conscious of what I thought was my failure. I felt exposed and embarrassed, and wished more than anything to hide my shortcomings. What has then followed me throughout all my years of formative learning have been experiences that reinforced my belief that I wasn’t clever or good enough. <br /><br />So… what would God say to an embarrassed 7 year old who wanted so desperately to be told she’d done a good job? What is God’s truth for those of us who care what other people think? While I have always known at a head level that God loves me. That he put me together in a special way, giving me gifts and talents that are uniquely me. I admit it has taken me a long time to believe that at a heart level. To really believe that God not only loves me, but likes me. He delights in me. And because of this alone, I can know with full assurance I don’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed in front of him, for he already knows what’s in my heart and the steps I take. <br /><br />I find the words of Psalm 139 such a comfort. It speaks of God knowing us completely, nothing is hidden from him, nothing is beyond is knowledge, care, capability and control. It is a truth I am growing into. That I live for an audience of one; my loving Heavenly Father who made me. And I want to say along with King David the psalmist in verse 23-24, “Search me, God, and know my heart: test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” <br /><br />Life experience is indeed a great teacher, especially when it comes to understanding myself. With this deeper understanding, I have more self compassion, and for that lesson alone I am very grateful, for I know I’m my harshest critic. Life experience also means a growing list of ways God has been faithful to me. My many doubts and failures, wobbles and worries, have all been attended to by God’s word of mercy, love and grace. God has proven to me time and time again that he is faithful, even when I am faithless. God in his kindness has allowed so many different challenges over the years that have forced me to have a deep look into my heart, and humbly ask him to change in me the things that needed changing. I wouldn’t want to be young again, but equally so I’m glad God hasn’t finished with me yet. <br /><br />PS: I finally got accredited as a swim instructor. I got there in the end with God’s help.<br /><div><br /></div> Fibromyalgia: My Health Journey https://www.joannamyers.org/2024/05/fibromyalgia-my-health-journey.html 2024-05-31T18:03:00.000Z 2024-05-31T18:03:00.000Z Recently I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a multi system chronic condition that is characterised by chronic widespread pain, extreme fatigue, brain fog, digestive complaints and depression. For a sufferer of Fibromyalgia, stress is a major driving force in exasperating symptoms. It is a lifelong… Recently I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a multi system chronic condition that is characterised by chronic widespread pain, extreme fatigue, brain fog, digestive complaints and depression. For a sufferer of Fibromyalgia, stress is a major driving force in exasperating symptoms. It is a lifelong condition (there is no cure) but with a range of therapeutic care, symptoms can be managed and even improved. It sounds like a lot, and it is. It has felt like I’d stumbled into a dimly lit tunnel filled with physical and psychological challenges coupled with medical puzzles that needed a large brains trust to solve. I’ve been in this tunnel a long time, but have now stepped into some sunlight. <br /><br />Rather than being completely devastated by this diagnosis, I felt a huge sense of relief, validation and overwhelming gratitude. For my persistent struggle with extreme fatigue, insomnia, digestive complaints, low moods and pain have for the past 7 years made me question my sanity, and doubt my capabilities as a person. I’ve often despaired that my health would never improve. Typically, attaining a diagnosis is difficult, as there is no scan or blood test that shows a problem, which means for many people, myself included, the journey to get to this point has been very challenging. I’ve often felt like I lived with an invisible disability. <br /><br />For as long as I can remember I have experienced back pain. Some days I wake with it, some days it comes on gradually, some days it’s a dull persistent ache, and some days I have what I label ‘distracting pain’; the kind that is so unrelenting and intense all I can think about is surviving the day, until I hopefully fall asleep, stay asleep and reset. Some days I’ll be feeling good, and then 10 minutes of sitting in an uncomfortable chair or turning my head to talk to someone sitting beside me will bring on pain so intense it will take me several hours to control it again. It’s a rare, but delightfully memorable day to have no pain. <br /><br />What started out as a minor back injury when I was 19 years old developed into a chronic condition that has meant for the past 25 years I have been seeking answers and finding help to manage the day to day of life’s demands. Being a mother to 4 children has been taxing on my body; difficult pregnancies and a couple of surgeries have added to my load. When my kids were young, I lived in the hope that once I didn’t have to carry small children the physical demands upon me would be alleviated, thereby giving my body a chance to heal, recover and be pain free once again. Turns out it wasn’t that simple. Things were about to get worse, not better. <br /><br />No sooner was I saying goodbye to my youngest at the school gate, when my eldest was entering high school. While physically, I was enjoying more stamina and less physical load, the mental and emotional life load was increasingly heavy. Coming to recognise the correlation between my physical pain experience and times of high emotional stress would take me years to understand and accept. I used to jokingly say that I was allergic to stress! Turns out, I wasn’t far from the truth. <br /><br />For a long time my rhythm of living was between boom and bust. My booms were when I had just enough energy to power through; racing about each day meeting all the demands that were required of me. I lived on Panadol and scorching heat packs to get me through until my next Osteopathy visit. I was good at hiding my pain, most people wouldn’t have realised I was in agony. I used all my energy in the day, but my evenings I busted; back pain would render me useless. At first my busts were tolerable, as I have a high threshold for pain. However, persistent pain is draining and makes even a sunny personality feel quite bleak. I was at a complete loss on how to properly care for myself. I would reason, what mother on the planet has the luxury of rest? But when my first experience of fatigue so extreme reduced me to lying on the couch for several weeks, I began to worry and wonder. It felt like the tap to my life source had been turned on, and all last drops of energy had wastefully eked out onto the floor; now an invisible weight fell upon me, forcing me to submit to its acute pressure. <br /><br />It wasn’t until I found myself suffering from debilitating insomnia, a symptom of building pressures in life load and post traumatic stress that I hadn’t addressed properly, that I was spurred on to seek effective help and deal with long held hurts. After sleep studies ruled out anything sinister I was told the most effective help was cognitive behavioural therapy. <br /><br />I must say at this point, that walking alongside me and faithfully treating and guiding me, has been my amazing Osteopath. A kind, empathic, attentive, knowledgeable and skilled woman who has seen me through many a storm and who has gone above and beyond in her continued care of me. From the first treatment I had with her, she has sought to treat me as a whole person. Not only treating my physical symptoms, but looking at the interplay between my emotional well being, life load, diet, exercise, sleep patterns and how each one interacts with and impacts the other. She has coached me on how to think differently about pain and challenged my views about myself. She’s helped me to increase my capacity and tolerance and has gently encouraged me to try new things; to recognise the need and importance of having fun and making time for things that nourish me. She has been an integral part of my health journey. <br /><br />As has a wonderful psychologist who is godly, wise, insightful and funny. He’s helped me to talk through the most painful of memories, bringing each of them to God and has given me space and tools to courageously face my fears and find healing in Christ. Being able to articulate what I know of God and believe he would say to me in those times of greatest pain. I can still feel (even now) that wonderful deep breath of peace relaxing my anxious body as I think of God’s great love and delight in me. <br /><br />Finally, I’ve had a very thorough GP who has sent me for so many investigative scans and tests, that when I walked into the Rheumatologists office armed with my thick file of test results, and my body that speaks for itself, she could pronounce quite confidently what I was suffering from. <br /><br />I don’t write all this to have a good moan, or to have people pity me. I’ve done enough moaning and pity parties to know that never makes you feel better. I write this in part, because it’s played a significant part in my journey of understanding myself, and where I find myself now. In writing this there has been countless twists and turns in my health journey that I’ve had to leave out; so many rabbit holes I’ve been sent done. It’s also been helpful personally to reflect upon how far I’ve come. So often it’s easy to get weighed down by what’s in front of you, to forget where you started. <br /><br />While I’ve come a long way, I’m still learning to manage and thrive. I still have my freak out moments, I still get discouraged and cry, I still have pain days and triggers that cause a flare up. However, I’m more comfortable with respecting my boundaries, advocating for myself and taking time to rest. I’m learning to say “no” more, being okay to disappoint people, and learning to pace my activity so I can manage and enjoy the things and people I want to give my time and love to. I also write this to educate others, as most people I know have not heard of Fibromyalgia, and even if they have it is not an easily understood condition. I know too that each persons story and journey is different to mine. <br /><br />The person who was the most thrilled for me to receive this diagnosis was my husband. He has been my comfort, my champion and closest companion. He has faithfully and sacrificially loved me through all my highs and lows. I realised in that moment how big a toll it has been on him emotionally as he’s cared for me, sat beside me in waiting rooms, dropped everything to help me, worried about me and prayed for me daily. I love him dearly and am so grateful to God for him. How blessed I am. Weakness as my witness. https://www.joannamyers.org/2024/05/weakness-as-my-witness.html 2024-05-07T17:12:00.000Z 2024-05-07T17:12:00.000Z When it comes to raising teens, I’m becoming a seasoned traveller. The journey with them throughout high school is quite the emotional rollercoaster. With the desire to raise a young adult better prepared to face the demands of the adult world, it’s no small job to get them across the Year 12… When it comes to raising teens, I’m becoming a seasoned traveller. The journey with them throughout high school is quite the emotional rollercoaster. With the desire to raise a young adult better prepared to face the demands of the adult world, it’s no small job to get them across the Year 12 finish line. In the 10 years I’ve had the privilege of parenting teens, I have observed there are some commonalities in the challenges they face. One being, that many young people desire the approval of their peers… standing out as different is something they avoid where possible. Another being, that grades and comparison to peers can become a personal definition of success or failure - no matter how much you tell them it is not. As a mother, I not only want to have words of wisdom for them, I also want to model to them what a life looks like that is shaped and defined by Christ and who I am in him. But here lies a struggle for me - the older I get the more I am aware of my weakness, sometimes to the point I wish I wasn’t quite so frail. So what is that saying to my teens? <br /><br />At the moment feeling fragile seems to be a regular place I find myself in. These days it doesn’t take much to bring big emotions to the surface, and to be honest I don’t like that feeling. It’s confronting feeling vulnerable, especially when you perceive others around you to be strong or thriving. I don’t want my weakness to define me and yet pain and tears seem to punctuate my weeks. Gone are the days of feeling like ‘Super Mum’, managing to somehow do it all and be it all, even when I’m completely faking it! If my teens are observing anything at the moment, it’s that Mum doesn’t have it all together. <br /><br />Recently, my prayers have been as simple as “Lord I need your help today.” This prayer may seem too short, yet simplicity is a perfect starting point, for this is precisely where God works and his presence is most deeply felt. It’s a cry for help whilst acknowledging God’s power and sufficiency. One of my favourite verses of the bible is 2 Corinthians 12: 8-9 where it says, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” <br /><br />In the past I would have been embarrassed to say, “I can’t do that, that’s too much for me.” So often I have tried to mask my weakness and push through pain. My rationale was, “Surely if other women can do it, so can I”. However, this strategy of pretence hasn’t served me well, neither has it helped me authentically model to my young people a life dependant on God’s grace. So much of my wellbeing as I have come to understand it, is reliant upon me accepting who I am, respecting my limitations, advocating for myself when needs must and becoming more dependant on God. It has meant me coming to a place of peace; accepting who God made me, the circumstances he’s allowed in my life and the life and work he has called me to. <br /><br />It was once tempting to imagine another’s shoes would be nicer to walk in, however getting older has shown me that’s a flawed way of thinking, for everyone is given particular triumphs and challenges. There is no perfect personality or life this side of heaven. Neither is it helpful to view myself in comparison or competition with others. In throwing off this burden of comparison and the subsequent disappointment (for anxiety and fear are heavy burdens) I find I can breathe more deeply. I can relax, and with full assurance rest in the blessed peace of knowing that while I may not feel okay, I am okay because God delights in me and he is good. In becoming more aware of my weakness, I turn to God in my need, and in turn I can testify to my kids and others what God is doing in me. <br /><br />I hope that if I have taught them one thing, it’s knowing personally that they are loved by God, and that by trusting him with their lives, they are in the safest of hands. For trusting your life to God who is faithful, full of grace, compassionate, loving and powerful to save is precisely who you want holding you through life’s most fiercest storms. What do I really desire most for them? It’s to grow more like Jesus, and in doing so be a light and a blessing to others. I have found that my greatest points of growth have been produced by struggle and suffering. It’s at these points where I have known more deeply God’s love and care for me. So rather than be ashamed of the days where I’m a blubbering mess, I can speak with candour and say, “this may be where I’m at, but I’m okay because God is greater and he is good.” <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-emoji: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13.1px;"><br /></p> A new perspective in grief https://www.joannamyers.org/2024/02/a-new-perspective-in-grief.html 2024-02-18T21:58:00.000Z 2024-02-18T21:58:00.000Z Typically, the beginning of a new year has always prompted in me a fresh resolve to begin or recommit to a resolution that fell by the wayside long ago; usually a casualty of the inevitable hurly burly of life and the big beautiful mess that it so often is. The turning over of a brand new calendar… <div style="text-align: left;">Typically, the beginning of a new year has always prompted in me a fresh resolve to begin or recommit to a resolution that fell by the wayside long ago; usually a casualty of the inevitable hurly burly of life and the big beautiful mess that it so often is. The turning over of a brand new calendar page will evoke in me an optimism for the year that lies ahead. I am an optimist at heart and therefore am hopeful that a new year will be a little better. Summer has naturally been a time to take stock and plan for the year ahead. </div> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13.1px;"><br /></p> <div style="text-align: left;">However, this year I’ve approached things very differently. The events of the past 18 months have left on me a big heart wound. Last year was filled with so much sadness and grief, one does not simply turn the page and move on as if all that was in the past has no lasting impact on the present. While the end of a year naturally brings to a conclusion some things, feelings and emotions are a little more elusive to box up.</div><br />Rather than resolving to do and be something new, (though there are new things I am doing) I have found it more helpful to see things as if I were moving through a season. Nature so beautifully displays how that looks. It’s a gentle progression of change, rather than an immediate dramatic before and after. The vibrant green summer leaves slowly changing golden and then eventually dropping onto the ground below. Or the emerging shoots of a spring bulb breaking through the hard ground to reveal a most splendid colourful flower. The change is gradual, but also predictable. Seasons do have beginnings and ends. <br /><br />Throughout the season of my sisters illness, I was often overwhelmed with grief at what was happening to her and to her family. And it was on one such day that I read Ecclesiastes 3 vs 1-4, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…” I found myself in a painful season, it was a time to weep and mourn at the passing of a life. Reading Ecclesiastes reminded me that God is in control of the seasons, there are many seasons that he allows but he puts borders around them. I am not to know how long a season may last, but I know who is in control of it, and that it will pass into something new. What follows a time of weeping is laughter and dancing. How beautifully hopeful for those that mourn. <br /><br />While I am still moving through grief, I am seeking to pursue things that are nourish me. Being engaged with activities that bring me out of myself, contributing to things that are worthwhile and purposeful. Learning new skills that challenge and encourage me. And most importantly, creating space to be still, reflect and heal. These are all steps I take in a helpful direction. Yes I have setbacks and bad days, and often need a good cry. But I also have days where there’s lots to laugh about and be excited by. (One of my daughters got engaged over the summer, and the prospect of a family wedding is something that brings joy.) I am learning to be at peace in this season that God has allowed and am trusting him to lead me through it. <br /><br />What season do you find yourself in? Are you discouraged that it has seemingly followed you into a new year? Take heart… God is lovingly in control. Are you beginning to blossom and thrive? Enjoy the good things God has for you. Trust him with your season. <br /> Losing my sister. https://www.joannamyers.org/2023/11/losing-my-sister.html 2023-11-21T17:30:00.000Z 2023-11-21T17:30:00.000Z Where do I even begin? It has been seven weeks since my sister Esther died. It was just over a year ago when she found out she had bowel cancer. Since her shock diagnosis, it has been an emotionally intense year of watching and supporting her through the brutal demands of battling stage 4 cancer.… Where do I even begin? It has been seven weeks since my sister Esther died. It was just over a year ago when she found out she had bowel cancer. Since her shock diagnosis, it has been an emotionally intense year of watching and supporting her through the brutal demands of battling stage 4 cancer. I’ll never forget the night when she rang to tell me her news; it’s impact so visceral it changed how I looked at life and my relationship with her. I couldn’t help but think this kind of news can change the course of a families life and it was at that point I resolved to treasure and make the most of whatever time I was gifted with her. <br /><br />As I pen these words I weep; the grief is raw and deep and the recent memories painful. However, I want to write, I need to write. I have had essays cooped up inside of me all year, pushed down deep, mindful of not wanting to insert myself into a story not my own. For in many ways it was her story, her journey, her battle. I was just her sister; a close friend. I journeyed alongside, listening and encouraging her when the path of suffering was hard and scary, but it was not happening to me personally. What was and is personal to me is how I felt and feel as a woman, who has been in a supporting role and who has now lost her sister and friend.<br /><br />Even now, I struggle to wrap my head around the fact that she is no longer here… no longer on planet earth. She, who had been an integral part of my life for 40 years is no longer a phone call away. Everyday my phone shows me photo memories, and her face is present in so many. We shared so much life together and it hurts to think of life moving forward without her in the memories to come. It would usually be right about now that we would be planning for family Christmas gatherings. A sister date would be in order and we would be discussing family dynamics, menu ideas, gifts and all the complexities of this time of year. This Christmas is hard. The usual glow and wonder is dimmed. All of life at the moment feels like it’s lost its colour, blurred and muted through a tear filled lens. <br /><br />Everything about this experience has challenged and changed my thinking. The things I took for granted, the unspoken, subconscious thoughts I imagined about the future. The things I worried about and gave so much of my emotional energy and time to. The things I thought about God, about his purposes and his promises; how I read and understood the bible. Esther was a woman of Christian faith, and she had a special and particular journey of going deeper with God. I too am a woman of faith, and I too have been on a journey, wrestling long and hard with the confronting reality that we live in a temporary and broken world full of suffering and hardship. Yet we have a loving God who cares for us deeply, whose plans and ways are good, merciful and kind, and who can be trusted for our future. <br /><br />I take great comfort in the fact that Esther is now in the loving arms of Jesus. Eternal life with God; completely healed and free from suffering and pain. My brother said to me, “Our saddest day, was her greatest day.” I believe that to be true. It says in Psalm 139, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful I know that full well… all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts God. How vast the sum of them. ” <br /><br />Her story in this life is over. God knew exactly how long her life story would be. He was the author and he was lovingly in control. Her death was not a surprise to him. While I don’t understand fully his ways, I trust God completely, for his ways and thoughts are higher than my own. While I mourn her passing, and hate how painful this is, my story is not yet over, and so I want to continue sharing the things that God has been teaching me throughout this past year, and the things he is yet to teach me as I continue to do life here and now. The date night we needed to have! https://www.joannamyers.org/2023/09/the-date-night-we-needed-to-have.html 2023-09-01T17:27:00.000Z 2023-09-01T17:27:00.000Z Six weeks ago my husband had a new proposal for me, which at first took me quite by surprise. He sprung the question on me one evening while I was cooking dinner for the family; “Would you like to do the Marriage Course?” (Our church was offering this opportunity. The format… 7 date nights, over 7… Six weeks ago my husband had a new proposal for me, which at first took me quite by surprise. He sprung the question on me one evening while I was cooking dinner for the family; “Would you like to do the Marriage Course?” (Our church was offering this opportunity. The format… 7 date nights, over 7 weeks focusing on 7 areas of importance to building a healthy relationship.) My first response to this unexpected question was “Why?”; we’ve been happily married 22 years and in that time have grown a lot. We’ve worked through many challenges, raised four children, and experienced the highs and lows of married life. After 22 years we know one another really well! <br /><br />His response sold it to me.” Even a good marriage can do with a tune up.” We were married young, and started a family soon after. We’ve spent the majority of our marriage raising a family, and time for ourselves has been fleetingly snatched between the constant pressures of children and work. However, what was once a distant reality of having young adults preparing to leave the nest, is now a closer prospect, and with that closeness comes the exciting but unexplored new chapter of marriage. As I reflected upon these thoughts, I grew more convinced at the prospect of taking hold of this opportunity. Why wouldn’t I want to invest in my most cherished relationship? <br /><br />Now having enjoyed five weeks of the marriage course, I am so grateful to God for bringing about this opportunity. (Being served delicious desserts in an intimate setting with my husband is treat enough!)Yes, there has been a lot of content that we both feel we’ve talked about and worked through at length, but there has also been so much to reflect upon; being intentional with this time to talk about things we don’t often talk through and to see with fresh eyes what is good about our marriage, and what we still need to work on. <br /><br />So often we can get bogged down in the mundane, nitty gritty stuff of life. We slot into patterns that work without too much thought, but these past 5 weeks have bought a real freshness to our marriage. I marvel at the lovely timing of it; for as we’ve been setting aside Wednesday nights to do this, the rest of our weeks have had a lot of stressful personal family pressures. What’s new hey? Life always seems to have some point of stress, the challenge and joy is to find new and regular ways to connect and appreciate your partner in amongst the life pressures. <br /><br />While I’m tempted to look back and wish this were something we had done in the early years of marriage, I’m so grateful for God’s faithfulness to us, and for the way he has been at work in both of us. And I’m rather looking forward to what new adventures await us in the coming chapters of our marriage. For now though… I’m looking forward to dinner out together tonight while our teens go to Youth Group. I’m loving these date nights! Hello Again! https://www.joannamyers.org/2023/08/hello-again.html 2023-08-11T17:25:00.000Z 2023-08-11T17:25:00.000Z Where do I begin… it seems too long since I’ve put my thoughts into words and shared them with others. My last post on this platform was to announce the launch of my own website Resilient Parenting; which was a writing project I pursued until 2020. My final piece of writing was a humorous… Where do I begin… it seems too long since I’ve put my thoughts into words and shared them with others. My last post on this platform was to announce the launch of my own website Resilient Parenting; which was a writing project I pursued until 2020. My final piece of writing was a humorous encouragement on how to survive lockdown… little was I to know at the time of writing that it would be my final post. I was suddenly swept up into a surreal world of pandemic and extended lockdowns, home schooling 4 kids (one who was doing year 12), study and pastoral care work and generally trying my hardest to keep the family happy and healthy. <br /><br />Since then a whole lot of life has happened. My eldest 2 have finished school and are now working, studying and driving; generally more independent! We’ve had a child move out of home and then return again. We’ve moved and bought our very first home. I’ve finished my study and my pastoral care work. I’ve had extended times of poor health, and spent a lot of time allowing my mind and my body to recover. <br /><br />The past 3 years have felt like living in a snow globe that is constantly being shaken. Everything upside down, in the air and a little bit cloudy. While I know that feeling settled is never for long, I sense that in some aspects of my life I am being returned to a more upright position, and it’s from this position I feel ready to write once more. <br /><br />So I say hello again to friends and family who’ve been supportive and followed me in my writing journey. I want to share with you a little more of the colours of my life. Are you a good listener? The art of holding your tongue. https://www.joannamyers.org/2019/11/are-you-good-listener-art-of-holding.html 2019-11-22T20:15:00.000Z 2019-11-22T20:15:00.000Z I’ve been treating myself of late to watching previous seasons of The Crown (a Netflix drama) in anticipation for the new series about to air. In one episode, the Queen was bemoaning to her mother, the fact that she felt ill-equipped to converse with the many educated people she was required to… I’ve been treating myself of late to watching previous seasons of The Crown (a Netflix drama) in anticipation for the new series about to air. In one episode, the Queen was bemoaning to her mother, the fact that she felt ill-equipped to converse with the many educated people she was required to meet. She acknowledged a desire to be able to talk more intelligently about matters of science and philosophy, instead of being confined to talking about dogs and horses. Her mother’s response was to say, “You know when to keep your mouth shut; that’s more important than anything.” The conversation is then interrupted by the announcement that the Prime Minister wants to speak with her, to which her mother rudely quips, “You can smile politely while he drones on.” <br /><br /><br />When it comes to talking with my own children, I confess that I find keeping my mouth shut extremely hard to do. It’s not a skill I naturally possess. For me, it requires much effort to refrain from speaking; taking more mental energy and self control. To ask me to confine my remarks to just asking questions or saying things like, “I can see this is hard for you” without being able to offer advice or an alternative point of view, feels unnatural…like I haven’t finished my sentence. My natural inclination is to speak. To offer wisdom, to tell a story of my own experience, to try and fix the problem, to say something…anything. I can empathise with the Queen’s frustration in being expected to keep her mouth shut, or appear to hold no opinion. <br /><br />There are many times when my teens just want to vent; to say everything that is going on inside of them, out loud. They don’t want an opinion, they don’t want me to solve anything - they just want me to listen. Neither do they want me to smile politely while they drone on; they can spot a fake a mile away. They want me to be a genuine listener. <br /><br />Of late, I’ve been getting things horribly wrong. All too often, I have misjudged intentions and moods, and jumped in to saying something, only to find I’ve fallen into another ditch - the one I had climbed out of, hours earlier. Someone has burst into my kitchen with issues and angst, ready to give me a long spiel about how ‘life sucks’, and how it’s the other person’s fault, or teachers really have no clue how to teach; usual teenage complaints. However, the moment I’ve gone to offer advice, or a counter point of view - rolling eyes, facial expressions that clearly convey annoyance, a quip about never understanding, then a swift exit. I’m left with that awful feeling that I’ve messed up again. I ask myself, “What did I say that was so wrong?” <br /><br />In a recent seminar I attended, “Surviving the Rollercoaster of Adolescence” the speaker Chris Hudson offered up 5 parenting traps to avoid, and then 5 things to do. This list is a good prompt for any parent feeling like they’re always falling into common relational traps. <br /><br />1. Don’t take the bait. <br /><br />2. Don’t escalate <br /><br />3. Don’t be blackmailed <br /><br />4. Don’t take it personally <br /><br />5. Don’t give up <br /><br />6. Consistently apply <br /><br />7. Ask, “Are you okay?” <br /><br />8. Ask them questions <br /><br />9. Get curious <br /><br />10. Keep your opinions <br /><br /><br /> <br /><br />To be a good listener is definitely a skill one needs in ones toolkit to parent teens well. I’ve learned from painful experience that it is wise not to “poke the bear” and to exercise self control for the sake of maintaining a good relationship. While I am entitled to hold an opinion, there is strength of character in being able to wait for an invitation to share it. Fortunately, unlike the Queen, my job description does not require me to resolutely hold firm to being an impartial, stoic figure head - rather a loving, emotionally invested adult who chooses to keep quiet at times and just listen. <br /><br /><br /> <br /> Emotional Equality https://www.joannamyers.org/2019/10/emotional-equality.html 2019-10-18T19:59:00.000Z 2019-10-18T19:59:00.000Z Last week I attended a seminar entitled “Surviving the Rollercoaster of Adolescence”; a talk given by Chris Hudson founder of Understanding Teenagers. While I can truthfully say that I have already encountered and survived the steep climb and the initial stomach-lurching plunge of the rollercoaster… <img alt="" class="attachment-medium size-medium wp-post-image" data-attachment-id="824" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-description="" data-image-meta="{"aperture":"0","credit":"","camera":"","caption":"","created_timestamp":"0","copyright":"","focal_length":"0","iso":"0","shutter_speed":"0","title":"","orientation":"0"}" data-image-title="carnival-coaster-cyclone-160098" data-large-file="https://goingthedistancewithkids.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/carnival-coaster-cyclone-160098.jpg?w=420" data-medium-file="https://goingthedistancewithkids.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/carnival-coaster-cyclone-160098.jpg?w=300" data-orig-file="https://goingthedistancewithkids.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/carnival-coaster-cyclone-160098.jpg" data-orig-size="4476,2986" data-permalink="http://resilientparenting.com/2019/10/18/are-you-on-an-emotional-rollercoaster-with-your-teen-a-recent-seminar-had-some-helpful-thoughts-on-how-to-survive/carnival-coaster-cyclone-160098/" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://goingthedistancewithkids.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/carnival-coaster-cyclone-160098.jpg?w=300" srcset="https://goingthedistancewithkids.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/carnival-coaster-cyclone-160098.jpg?w=300 300w, https://goingthedistancewithkids.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/carnival-coaster-cyclone-160098.jpg?w=600 600w, https://goingthedistancewithkids.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/carnival-coaster-cyclone-160098.jpg?w=150 150w" style="border: 1px solid rgb(142, 142, 142); float: right; max-width: 764px; padding: 10px;" width="300" /><blockquote><p></p></blockquote>Last week I attended a seminar entitled “Surviving the Rollercoaster of Adolescence”; a talk given by Chris Hudson founder of Understanding Teenagers. While I can truthfully say that I have already encountered and survived the steep climb and the initial stomach-lurching plunge of the rollercoaster that is likened to living with emotional teens, and have definitely encountered a few curves and turns that have left me breathless and white-knuckled; I believe there are a few more corkscrew loops that are yet to be travelled before I can safely say that I have survived the ride _ hence my interest in wanting to hear his thoughts. <br /><br /><br /> <br /><br />As I think about rollercoasters, I can’t help but recall our families recent trip to Movie World. A day with teenagers in a theme park is very much like living a day packed with emotion; thrills and fears, excitement and exhaustion. One extreme had me being an excitable encourager, saying things like,“Give it a go… I think you’ll find it fun! It’s not as scary as it looks…trust me” (said to those who didn’t fancy risking any rides). The other extreme was more along the lines of me, the terrified one, being coaxed onto rides that looked frightful. “Come on Mum, it’s not that scary. Don’t be a chicken…it’s awesome!” (Nothing like your sons taunts to motivate you to show them your grit.) Needless to say, at the end of the day, I survived the rides, made some good memories but was utterly exhausted. <br /><br /><br /> <br /><br />One of the things that makes the teen years so challenging is the unpredictability of your teens mood, and also the enormous shift in how they relate to you. On their journey to independence, it is natural and important for them to push against their parents in an effort to find their own sense of self. (A deeply confusing place to be in for both parent and child.) And while it’s easy to blame hormones for all the problems, there are other factors that contribute to them being emotionally changeable. Things like: the amount of sleep they get, personal insecurities, and social issues they face…and a whole stack of homework pressure. <br /><br /><br /> <br /><br />One of the hardest things I’ve found about this life stage has been knowing how to navigate my way through, without turning into an emotional wreck myself or becoming just as volatile and cranky as them. At times, I’ve been so fearful of getting my head chewed off just because I smiled at them, or being diminished to ‘worst mother ever’ because I dared to enforce a boundary. Angry, hurtful words are hard to hear and even harder to let go of or not take personally. Equally hard, has been to watch a teen struggle _ with peer acceptance, anxiety, and the challenge of growing up. When they retreat into their shell and lock you out, the feeling of helplessness can be a heavy burden. <br /><br /><br /> <br /><br />So when Chris began to talk about having emotional equality in your home, my ears pricked up. He encouraged us to think differently about how to view emotions. Instead of labelling some emotions as right and others wrong; happiness to be seen as normal and anger to be something avoided, a light switched on for me. So many times I’ve made the mistake of trying desperately to cheer up a depressed soul or avoided addressing issues for fear of ‘poking the bear’. “Emotions just are,” he said. And then, encouraged us to have a mantra for your family like: “In this house all emotions are okay.” Some are easier to live with, but they are still just emotions. <br /><br /><br /> <br /><br />I like to think of emotions as being a little window into someones heart. A little gauge to what’s going on inside. It can be a prompt to ask them how they are. And rather than be fearful of all negative emotions, especially anger, but to find a way together to helpfully express those emotions without dismissing them or escalating them can be such a positive help to a hurting teen. Validating their feelings goes a long way in building an open relationship with them. Saying things like, “I can see this is really hard for you” rather than, “It’s okay.” Showing your teens that you are willing to sit with and accept uncomfortable feelings, just as naturally as you embrace feeling good, is a valuable lesson; for both yourself and your teen. <br /><br /><br /> <br /><br />Rollercoasters are the perfect description for being a parent of teenagers. However, if you are someone yet to enter this life stage, take heart. I think waiting in line and watching others ahead of you being thrown around at top speed and possibly screaming can heighten your anticipation of impending doom and fuel you with dread the longer you watch and wait. Once on the ride, you’re on the ride. Safely strapped in, potentially terrified, but come what may, you’ll make it through the track.<br /> Can you Know Happiness in Hard Times? https://www.joannamyers.org/2019/09/can-you-know-happiness-in-hard-times.html 2019-09-20T20:17:00.000Z 2019-09-20T20:17:00.000Z If you were asked to describe what happiness feels like to you, how would you describe it? Is it that wonderful moment of heightened joy when everything you’re experiencing is exciting and good; when your step is light and your buoyant mood moves you to dance or sing? Or is it a more settled,… If you were asked to describe what happiness feels like to you, how would you describe it? Is it that wonderful moment of heightened joy when everything you’re experiencing is exciting and good; when your step is light and your buoyant mood moves you to dance or sing? Or is it a more settled, peaceful feeling of contentment? When you perceive that all is good with the world and life couldn’t get much better. Whether it be momentary jubilation or a steady contentedness with yourself and others, happiness is golden. <br /><br /><br /><br />To be happy is something all of us desire. Each of us wants happiness for ourselves and for our children…and why not, the alternative is far from attractive. Yet happiness can seem an elusive thing; a destination rather than a travelling companion. Being a parent can mean we confuse our happiness with theirs. When they are happy, you are; when your relationship with them is good, then all is well. The trouble is, if your happiness is dependant on them, then the reverse is equally true. If your children are unhappy with either themselves or with you, then you too can be unhappy. Fluctuations in their moods can easily put you on an emotional see-saw that leaves you feeling confused and discontent.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />When my children were small and all at home I often counted a good day as: no tantrums and everyone having a sleep after lunch. In one sense it was simple. Yet, my happiness in that moment, was connected to how well my small children behaved. No sleep after lunch was a bad day and I definitely wasn’t a ‘happy Mummy’ come 6 o’clock.<br /><br />Motherhood in the teen years is a little more complicated. The idealistic notion that my kids are always going to like me and agree with everything I say, has different pitfalls. If you’ve ever known hostility from your child (harsh words, moodiness, slamming of doors) it’s easy to take things personally and so feel very unhappy. I am guilty of looking back at the toddler years as ‘happier times’, wishing I could return. And yet… <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Have you ever wondered whether you can be happy in the midst of trials? Is it possible to know contentment whilst life around you is wretched and all you feel like doing is crying? It seems too impossible to be attainable. Surely happiness and sadness can’t coexist. Yet, rarely is life experienced in such black and white. As I have journeyed on the road of motherhood the more I see how contrasting feelings can mingle. What was once a rigid mindset that believed that all of life had to be hunky-dory for me to say, “I’m happy” has changed into a more flexible outlook, where I can hold in balance the good and the bad; thus appreciating life in all its complexity.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />One thing I am learning, is that my happiness is not bound up in my childs love of me. A wise friend once said to me “You don’t need the love of your children to be loved.” Knowing that I am a child of God, loved by him with a love that is unconditional and constant, is the only love I actually need. When I believe this truth and have experienced its reality, then I am free to love others, even when their love is not reciprocated. I can still be happy, knowing that I am loved by God. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I am also learning that I can be personally content, even when the mood of the household is less than favourable or when someone is put out with me. Having an assurance that, ‘It is well with my soul’ helps to still the whirling emotions that quietly suggest, ‘All is not well with me’. (Teenagers have a wonderful ability to clearly point out your own failings while being completely blind to their own. Nevertheless, they desperately need you to be a stable sure adult that, while saddened by their behaviour, is still okay with themselves and others.) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />While I cannot claim to always enjoy the journey, I do believe it possible to know contentment and joy in the midst of hardship. Resilience is cultivated when finding this happy balance. And when my kids are hurting and angry with all that is confusing and hard in their own lives, rather than wear their misery as my own, I can do something different. I can pray. Pray to my loving Heavenly Father, who not only loves me unconditionally, but my kids as well. I can be happy knowing that as I entrust my children to him, I no longer need to carry the burden alone. I rest, content in the knowledge that God’s got this. "What are you core values?" A helpful question to ask yourself https://www.joannamyers.org/2019/09/what-are-you-core-values-helpful.html 2019-09-19T19:40:00.000Z 2019-09-19T19:40:00.000Z In an attempt to return my spiralling mind to a more helpful headspace, I was recently encouraged to think about my core values. I have engaged with these thoughts before and found it a beneficial exercise; seeing how my life choices are a reflection of what I truely value and then how these… <p><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 12px;">In an attempt to return my spiralling mind to a more helpful headspace, I was recently encouraged to think about my core values. I have engaged with these thoughts before and found it a beneficial exercise; seeing how my life choices are a reflection of what I truely value and then how these choices impact my day to day life. Sometimes I feel like I’m living life on autopilot; not thinking too deeply about why I’m feeling a certain way, or spending my time on certain things, I’m just doing life in the best way I know how. But with a spate of health challenges, both for myself and the family, and a growing problem with not being able to sleep…I was feeling at the edge of myself. Fatigued and jangled. It was time to stop, and revisit what I valued most and why.</span></p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">So I began to think, “What do I value, that I give my time, energy and resources to that reflects what I treasure?” I didn’t need to think to hard about this question… I value relationships. My relationship with God, with my husband, my children, my family and with my friends. I value people, therefore, I give the majority of my time, energy and resources to loving others and building relationships. So, when relationships are hard, and loving others is hard. When others are hurting or when I am hurt by others; I am affected greatly, mentally and physically. My natural response is to wrestle and worry about how to set things right; how to improve this relationship_ to forgive, show grace, let go and keep loving.  </p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">A friend of mine, once said in a sermon, “Love is inefficient.” This statement has always stuck with me…meaning loving others is never about loving on my terms and my conditions. Loving others is costly at times and doesn’t always fit into a neat little box. My efficient self was becoming frustrated. I was frustrated at how much time I was spending waiting for doctors, blood tests, scans and treatments; the amount of time on the road driving to and from appointments and the length of time talking with health care professionals. All in the pursuit of caring for the health needs of my family. I saw all these things as an inconvenient interruption to other important tasks I wished I to be doing. I resented the fact that healthcare for my family was so time consuming. Yet…because I value people and their well being, I naturally was going to do these things. So why was I so frustrated?</p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">To raise resilient children, you have to be prepared to embrace the reality that fostering relationship with them will be costly (not just financially) and messy (literally and figuratively). They are not robots that you can program to operate a certain way. They are not clones of yourself; you may see yourself in them, and they in you. However they are unique individuals, growing up in a different world to the one you grew up in. And life has a habit of throwing us curve balls; things we never planned for or imagined could ever happen. To build that bridge between yourself and the other person may mean you have to sacrifice something else you value. For example: To build a bridge to my teenagers, often means chatting with them and hanging out at 9.30pm at night or even later. Not ideal for someone who values sleep and a quiet evening, however, sometimes I have to forgo that to maintain my healthy bridge into their world. (Though I am learning, to care for others, I must also care for myself. I do need good sleep to function, therefore some nights I have to say goodnight early.) </p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">As I have reflected on what I value most, I can’t help but think of Jesus and what he valued; how he lived his life and what his purpose was. He too, valued people. There are countless stories in the bible of many people who came to him with their sickness and their troubles. He could have seen them as an interruption, but he didn’t. He didn’t turn them away or get frustrated by their demands. He showed them love and healed many, he spoke with them and ate with them. Telling them the gospel (why he had come) and walking alongside them. All this was part of his journey towards the cross. Jesus is who I want to look to, when I think about how I want to live and what I want to value. In looking to Jesus, and rethinking why I do the things I do, my discouragement and frustration begins to pale. </p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">What do you value most?</p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p> <p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p> "Remember when..." What milestones do you celebrate? https://www.joannamyers.org/2019/08/remember-when-what-milestones-do-you.html 2019-08-12T19:51:00.000Z 2019-08-12T19:51:00.000Z I like the image of a long hiking adventure, to describe how I see life’s journey. To view a mountain range is breathtaking and to walk its course a privilege. However when you get up close to the task at hand, you find there are a lot of variables that can make the journey both exhilarating and… I like the image of a long hiking adventure, to describe how I see life’s journey. To view a mountain range is breathtaking and to walk its course a privilege. However when you get up close to the task at hand, you find there are a lot of variables that can make the journey both exhilarating and hard work. It takes us to valleys and peaks, wilderness and beauty. Rocky paths and steep climbs give way to clearings and views that revive the soul. My hiking adventure over the past few years has been uphill and rocky, so when the path began to clear and the incline slackened; it was a moment to pause and rejoice. A moment to remember. <br /><br />On Sunday our eldest son, made a public declaration of faith in Jesus. He did this through confirmation and the sharing of his testimony; speaking of what God has been doing in his life. His decision to take this very personal step and to share it with our church family, was a significant moment; both for himself and for our own family. For myself and my husband, we have prayed for this moment since he was born, (seeking to raise him in God’s ways and desiring for him to know and accept Jesus as his personal Lord and Saviour). However, there have been many days in this parenting journey, when my own faith has been greatly tested and the dark clouds of doubt and worry have shaken me to my core. Traversing the teenage years has been so hard at times. <br /><br />While I have had much encouragement from fellow hikers who have journeyed a little further than myself, I’ve often wondered whether I would ever reach another peak. However, when peaks (moments or occasions that are special, beautiful and sometimes hard earned) it is good to mark the occasion. Mindfulness of a happy present is always worth savouring. <br /><br />In Kent and Barbara Hughes’ book entitled, <i>Disciplines of a Godly Family</i>, they speak of the value of having family traditions; moments and opportunities to recall God’s faithfulness by the sharing of stories and occasions to celebrate his goodness. They like to call this practice as building ‘Stones of Remembrance’ for your family; referring to the story in the bible, (Joshua 3 & 4) when the Israelites crossed the Jordan River and took 12 stones from the river and placed them in their camp as a visual reminder of God’s provision and faithfulness. They encourage this practice saying, “The following scriptural advice, put to work, will go a long way toward building secure families with a sense of solidarity with the past and the future.” I have always appreciated this advice, and have therefore sought to build into our families culture and heritage moments that are recorded and celebrated as special. Sunday was one of these occasions. <br /><br />Do you ever pause to rejoice in God’s goodness and faithfulness to you? Do you do this with your family? Being intentional and marking occasions where significant moments of Gods provision, care and faithfulness have been evidenced to you, can be a wonderful source of encouragement. These ‘Stones of Remembrance’ can be returned to, reminding us of what God has done and will continue to do as we journey on. As a family, you can say, ”Remember when”. <br /> <br /><br /> What motivates you? https://www.joannamyers.org/2019/07/what-motivates-you.html 2019-07-07T20:48:00.000Z 2019-07-07T20:48:00.000Z Have you ever taken the time to sit back and reflect on what motivates you? Specifically what motivates you in how you parent? What are those conscious or unconscious thoughts that drive your actions; things below the surface that impact your daily interactions, whether positively or negatively?… <p>Have you ever taken the time to sit back and reflect on what motivates you? Specifically what motivates you in how you parent? What are those conscious or unconscious thoughts that drive your actions; things below the surface that impact your daily interactions, whether positively or negatively? Sometimes, a new level of consciousness comes when there is conflict; maybe criticism for how we do things. Often this criticism comes from our children; (a somewhat confronting experience). Regardless of whether their assessment is right or wrong it can potentially encourage you to think more deeply about yourself; become a little more honest with who you are and why you are this way.</p><p><br /></p><p> Being fully honest is not something we find easy to do. Being honest often means being vulnerable, and being vulnerable means that potentially we can feel pain or open ourselves up to hurt. Therefore it takes courage to be fully honest with ourselves and others. It also takes time; quiet time to reflect.</p><p><br /></p><p>Never before have I experienced  this more fully than parenting teens. I had honestly thought that up until now I had done a pretty good job at parenting. Yes, I have made plenty of mistakes. I am quite unafraid to admit that. In fact, I’ve always been willing to reassess my motives and question myself; this I see as being healthy.  A verse in the bible that has often spoken to me is Psalm 51: 6. In it David says, “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.” David goes on to say in verse 10, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” I’ve taken comfort in the fact that it is God who reveals to me the things in my heart that need to change. It is God alone who knows me perfectly, and loves me so much that before him I can be honest without fear. So it came as a painful surprise to find (maybe I’m slower than the average person) that there was a whole deeper layer to me that shaped the way I was parenting. Something new that God had to reveal to me, and it is through my children that he chose to do this deeper work. </p><p><br /></p><p>It’s not until you have a child who is quickly growing toward adulthood and independence that you discover more fully the things that you value, your unspoken expectations and even confidently voiced expectations are potential stumbling blocks in helpfully relating to your child. I am blessed with more than one child, who might be described as strong-willed, and it is in this clash of wills that I discover more fully who I am. As the clashes have intensified, and walls of resistance and silence have been built, I’ve begun to ask myself an important question: “Why is this thing important to me? Is it worth the fight? Do they need to change, or is it me who needs to change first?” </p><p><br /></p><p>Let me give an example. I have a daily battle about how much time is spent playing computer games. I didn’t grow up with a computer in the house; in fact my family was 10 years behind everyone else on the technology front. (We didn’t own a television until I was 13.) I place high value on relationships. I see it as an important life skill to be able to relate to others in real and genuine ways. Someone who is constantly glued to their phone, unwilling to be present to those around them really bothers me…so seeing my teen do it all the time raises my blood temp. I also value a balanced, healthy life; anything that becomes all-consuming seems unhelpful and unhealthy. The loud dialogue in my head goes something like this: “I didn’t raise you to stay on your phone all day. When did the latest high score become more important than spending time with your family? Surely a homework deadline will motivate you to unplug and do some real work. I wish I could hurl that jolly computer out the window and be rid of it forever!” </p><p><br /></p><p>While I believe that what I value is still good and worth having as a standard, I’ve allowed my expectations for my children to become more important then my relationship with them. My nagging and negative comments begin to erode a good relationship that I developed with them when they were young. I read recently a helpful thought that has informed my role of mothering  teens. The thought being: by the teenage years, my child knows exactly how I feel about expected behaviour. I can still gently remind them, when they seem to have forgotten. However, deep down they know what I expect, and therefore habitually reminding them is just nagging. I need to respect their choice, even when their choice is not my ideal, continuing instead to show them love. Choosing to value a good relationship more highly than good behaviour. </p><p><br /></p><p>It’s very humbling being a parent. Even more humbling to realise that there are things in yourself that need to change. Change is never easy, however if embraced, it can be the platform for something new and positive. So be honest with yourself, is there something that you need to change?    </p><p><br /></p>